What's in a Name?
by Alice-Anna.Berlin
Summary: Parody of how unoriginal the book Eragon is. Mostly over how unoriginalthe names are. Thanks to JT for the help.


This is basically a parody of Eragon, explaining how unoriginal Christopher Paolini is with names. If you're super emotionally attached to Eragon, I wouldn't recommend reading this.

Scene One: The Spine

Eragon: Hi, my name is Eragon.

Legolas: He is no ordinary boy. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor. You owe him your allegiance.

*awkward silence*

Eragon: Actually, my name is ERAgon.

Legolas: Oh, sorry, my bad (disappears)

Eragon: Anyway, I'm hunting for food. (sees Saphira's egg) Oh MY GOSH! IT'S SHINY!!!! I'll take it home to Roran and see what he thinks.

Scene Two: Carvahall

Clopin: It's the day the devil in us gets released.

Eragon: Pst, it's Carvahall, not carnival.

Clopin: Oops.

(leaves)

Eragon: Roran! Look what I found!

Taran (From Lloyd Alexander's _The Black Cauldron_) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! RUN! IT'S AURORAN!

Eragon: Who?

Taran: Auroran. The evil man who rides around on giant horse with deer antlers and has a giant cauldron that makes his demonic servants who can't die.

(Eragon stares at him blankly)

Taran: …nevermind…

Roran: Wow, cool rock. Do you have any food?

Eragon: Nope, sorry. The shiny rock gave me ADD and I forgot to get food…

Roran: Well anyway, there's a guy who lives in the village who might find you rock interesting.

Eragon: Awesome!

Scene Three: Brom's hut

Brom: Hello, my name is Brom

Rose (From Brian Jacque's _Martin the Warrior_): Don't worry Brome! We'll save you from Badrang! Just hang in there! Grum is digging a hole to come rescue you!

Brom: I said BROM! Short o...

Rose: Oh sorry…

Brom: I believe Marshank is the other way.

Rose: Oh, okay, thanks.

Brom: Anyway, what did you want to talk to me about?

Eragon: I found this shiny rock.

Brom: *GASP!* It is a dragon egg!

Eragon: Huh…well, I'll be seeing ya. Thanks for the help

(Returns home. Suddenly the dragon egg hatches)

Eragon: Wow, I guess Brom was right. I'll go get him.

Scene Four: Eragon's house

Brom: Nice dragon.

Eragon: Thank you.

Brom: Well, now the next step is to name it.

Eragon: I shall call it ERAGON JUNIOR!

(Saphira hisses)

Brom: I believe it is a female sir…

Eragon: COME ERAGONA! WE RIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brom: How about Saphira?

Eragon: Saphira…isn't that a rock?

Brom: No, that's a sapphire…

Eragon: Isn't it a spice…?

Brom: Actually that's saffron.

Saphira: Okay, well even if it is unoriginal, it's better than Eragona.

(Ra'zac appear)

Saphira: NAZGUL!

Brom: What?

Saphira: Sorry, Ra'zac. Come on Eragon, let's go!

(They fly away)

Eragon: oh no! They burned down my house!

Brom: Why don't we seek revenge?

Eragon: Okay!

***

Durza: The peasant! Who was hunting in the spine…and didn't find any food…He has the egg!

Oh yeah…it's all coming together now.

I'm going to send more Ring Wraiths…er Ra'zac to chase after him and take back my dragon egg. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Scene Five: Dras Leona

Saphira: NAZGUL! ….I mean Ra'zac…

Brom: Watch out! (Brom is stabbed)

Eragon: Oh no! If only a mysterious man who actually turned out to be my half brother, which everyone figured out before the end of the first book would appear….

Brother Murduck (From Terry Pratchett's _Small Gods_): Hello my son. Do you want to confess to the God Om?

Eragon: Huh?

Murtagh: I think he's talking about me, Brother

Brother Murduck: REPENT YE FOOLS!!!! (leaves)

(Murtagh begins fighting the Ra'zac. Eragon runs over to Brom)

Brom: Eragon…I'm dying…

Eragon: Oh…

Brom: You must defeat the evil king-

Ludo Bagman: Galloping Gargoyles!

Eragon: What?

Ludo Bagman: The evil king Galloping Gargoyles!!!

Eragon: Okay.

Brom: Find the Varden!

(Brom dies)

Eragon: Come Murtaugh! We're going to Gil-ead!

Scene Six: Gil-ead

Durza: How can I capture him? (thinks)

Durza: I KNOW! I shall bake a cake of jolly thickness and with green sugar on it, and I will place it near their camp and because he has no mother, he won't know how dangerous it is to each rich damp food what was left conspicuously by the sea side….er….camp side….and he will find it and he will gobble it up and he will die!

Urgals laugh

Durza: I'M A GENIUS!!!

(Eragon find a random cake)

Eragon: Yum! (he gobbles it up and passes out)

(Eragon wakes up and he sees Arya)

Eragon: Wow, she's hot!

Arya: Hello strange rider, I am dying. Would you like to save me?

Eragon: Would I? Does a dragon breathe fire? ...oh wait…

Arya: My name is Arya

(Rose and Grum reappear)

Rose: I TOLD YOU WE WERE GETTING CLOSE TO NOONVALE! There's my mom, Aryah.

Arya: Um…I believe her name is spelled with an "h" on the end.

Rose: Oh…shoot.

Arya: I also believe Noonvale is east.

Rose: Okay, thanks. (Rose and Grum disappear)

(Murtagh appear and breaks them out of jail)

Eragon: Phew, that wasn't so tough!

Murtagh: Speak for yourself

Scene Seven: Dessert

Eragon: I'M THIRSTY and my knee hurts.

Murtagh: Which knee?

Eragon:…MY ELBOW HURTS!

Scene Eight: Mountains

Murtagh: Hey look, it's the mountain Farthen Dur

Eragon: DUCK!!!! WATCH OUT FOR THE GREAT EYE MR. FRODO!!!

Murtagh: …what are you talking about?

Eragon: Didn't you say Barundur?

Murtagh: No, I said Farthen Dur! Duh! One whole letter difference!

Eragon: oh yeah, sorry

(Urgals appear)

Murtagh: LOOK OUT FOR THE ORCS…I mean URGALS!!!

(Orick appears)

Orick: Come this way.

Scene Nine: The Varden

Eragon: Thanks my friend, what's your name?

Geoffrey Chaucer (from A Knight's Tale):I GIVE YOU THE SEEKER OF SERENITY, THE PROTECTOR OF ITALIAN VIRGINITY, THE ENFORCER OF OUR LORD GOD, THE ONE, THE ONLY SIR ULLLLLLLLRICH VON LICHTENSTIEN!

(Walks away while singing "He's blonde, he's pissed, he'll see you in the lists, Lichtenstein!)

Eragon: Who was that?

Orick: I have no idea. Anywho, my name is Orick. And these are the twins.

The Twins: (singing) we'll have a look inside your mind and tell where you beeeelong!!!!

Orick: Just ignore them, come we must find Ajihad.

Scene Ten: The Varden

Ajihad: Hello, my name is Ajihad.

(Silence)

Ajihad: Is everything alright?

Eragon: It's just your name…it's so….so…

Murtagh: ORIGINAL!!!!

Eragon: Exactly

Nassuada: Oh, by the way, I'm Nassuada, his daughter.

Elphaba: Sorry, I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister

Nassuada: I said Nassuada, not Nessarose.

Elphaba: Oh, well my hearing just hasn't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

Scene Twelve: A Battle

Saphira: Breathes Fire

Eragon: Kills Durza…and then passes out.

Scene Thirteen: Eragon's mind

The Morning Sage: I am the Morning Sage Eragon

Eragon: Isn't that spice?

The Morning Sage: Well, yes, but that's beside the point…the point is I'm going to teach you how to defeat King Galloping Gargoyles

Eragon: So I'm getting taught how to defeat King Galloping Gargoyles by a spice…lovely…

Saphira: Now I'm feeling much better about our predicament.

Luke Skywalker: Is it just me, or did anyone else get some crazy déjà vu there?

Han Solo: Yeah, I know!


End file.
